Managing Anger
Everyone is familiar with anger as we have all experienced it within our lives. Anger is a very normal and often a healthy human emotion. However, when anger gets out of control, it can become destructive and lead to problems at work and in personal relationships, and it can also affect the overall quality of one’s life. We offer a variety of ways to participate in anger management and conflict resolution programs. These programs are designed to meet the needs of all individuals seeking help.
Are You Too Angry?
Various psychological tests exist that measure how well you handle anger, the intensity of these feelings, and how prone you are to anger. More simply, if you find yourself acting in ways that are frightening or out of control, you should seek help from a professional. This will help you develop better coping skills and strategies for dealing with anger.
If you are not sure if you have an anger management problem, see if these questions sound familiar:
- Do you get irritated when things do not work out perfectly?
- Do you wake up thinking of things that stress you without the ability to go back to sleep?
- Would you consider yourself stressed at home or at work?
- Do you find yourself keeping your irritation bottled up and releasing the anger at work?
- Do colleagues tell you to relax or seem frightened to convey bad news?
Anger Management Activities
Anger management activities can help you deal with anger issues that you have. These anger management techniques can be applied to just about everyone in the office. Everyone indeed finds themselves struggling with anger at the people around them to varying degrees. It is all too common for tensions to develop between people as a result of small disagreements and simple misunderstandings. This, however, does not eliminate the personal frustrations that they face.
During mediation sessions, it is communally beneficial if the entire group divides into sections and discusses their anger management problems directly. Sessions start with anger management activities that are focused on the individuals that need it the most. Activities should be carefully monitored by the mediator to ensure that temperaments do not escalate and get out of hand.
As problems are inevitable when groups of people work together, anger management activities are useful for any workforce. It equips employees with the ability to deal with problems when they arise and to do it efficiently and reasonably. Everyone on the team is better for it.
The Danger of Unexpressed Anger
If anger is unexpressed great problems can occur and create other problems as well.
Unexpressed anger can lead to pathological expressions of anger such as a personality that seems hostile and perpetually cynical and hostile. It can also lead to passive-aggressive behavior which is defined as getting back at people indirectly without telling them why rather than confronting them head-on. When one has not learned how to constructively express their anger they often criticize everything, make cynical comments and are constantly putting others down.
Due to the above actions, often people who are not constructively expressing their anger do not have successful relationships.
Expressing Anger
- As a form of Self-Defense:
The natural and instinctual way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural feeling that can serve as a response to threats. If one is attacked anger can also inspire powerful and often aggressive feelings and behaviors that allow us to fight and defend ourselves. Therefore, a certain amount of anger is necessary in order for survival. - Negative Effects/Outcomes:
While anger can be useful in forms of legitimate self-defense, one cannot physically lash out at every person that irritates or annoys us. Our society places laws, social norms and common sense to place limits on the extent to which we can express anger and how far anger can take us. - Conscious & Unconscious Processes:
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious means to deal with their feelings of anger.
Three main approaches are as follows:- Expressing,
- Suppressing and
- Calming.The healthiest way to express anger is when one expresses their anger in an assertive and non-aggressive manner. In order to do this one must ensure to be clear about what one’s needs are and how to get those needs met without hurting others. Remember that being assertive means being respectful of yourself and others it doesn’t mean being demanding or pushy.
- Suppression, Conversion & Redirection:
Anger can be suppressed and then converted and/or redirected. One can suppress anger when they work on ways to hold in anger, stop thinking about it and focus on positive thinking. The goal or aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. However, there is a danger in this response or approach that is that if outward expression is not allowed, anger can be turned inward towards oneself. This maladaptive way of turning anger inward can cause both psychological and physical health problems such as depression, anxiety, hypertension and high blood pressure.
Effective Anger Management with Colleagues, Friends & Family
Reasons for Anger:
Usually your colleagues, friends, and family might feel angry because they may feel that you’ve let them down or that you have a superiority complex that makes them feel irritated by your action. There is also the possibility that they might be jealous of you or feel that your success is unwarranted and it should have been them.
Techniques to Resolve Anger:
Whatever the reasons the key to handling their anger is maintaining your sense of humility. These people might just want to be angry because they feel that they could make you angry as well. This will give them a slight edge over you. If you have analyzed the situation well, you should be able to handle them by telling them how much they mean to you and that you wish that you could resolve the matter amicably. If you stay calm in the sight of their anger, sooner or later they will come down to your level.
Summary- Gain a New Perspective on Anger:
Again this might be tougher than you think. But remember, becoming angry is your choice and not anyone else’s. If you maintain your inner balance effectively, you will find that you will have a calming effect on the people around you.
Steps to Identify Anger Management Problems
First, identify weather or not you do have an anger management problem. If you are not sure, see if these questions sound familiar:
- Do you get irritated when things do not work out perfectly?
- Do you wake up thinking of things that stress you without the ability to go back to sleep?
- Would you consider yourself stressed at home or at work?
- Do you find yourself keeping your irritation bottled up and releasing the anger at work?
- Do colleagues tell you to relax or seem frightened to convey bad news?
- Do you get irritated when things do not work out perfectly?
- Do you wake up thinking of things that stress you without the ability to go back to sleep?
- Would you consider yourself stressed at home or at work?
- Do you find yourself keeping your irritation bottled up and releasing the anger at work?
- Do colleagues tell you to relax or seem frightened to convey bad news?
Now after answering the above questions honestly you have an idea of what it would mean to have anger issues. If you’ve uncovered that you may have anger-related issues, now it is time to accept the problem. Realize that anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from slight irritation to rage. Decide how you can control anger and not allow it to affect your life, relationships, and career success.
First, you could try to relax and handle situations that make you angry.
So identifying when the anger occurs will assist you. After that, controlling anger is important.
There are a few ways to contain the anger.
- Use imagery to calm yourself down if anger arises.
- Consider yoga to bring you to a calm place after work.
- If you find yourself angry at work, walk away politely, calm yourself and think about the situation at hand logically and re-enter the situation, handling it with the awareness of your anger.
- You can also use humour to handle irritating situations to make these irritations more manageable. This is not to suggest laughing things off, but rather to see your own anger and its absurdity. If all else fails, consider an anger management course. It will show areas to focus to allow relaxation to assist you in your anger management.
Summary of How to Deal with Unexpressed Anger:
In order to deal with anger, one must not only be aware of one’s inner responses, but must also control outward responses. In order to calm down, one must take steps to lower one’s heart rate in order to let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger reminds us, “When none of these techniques work, that is when someone or something is going to get hurt.”
We Can Help!
For many years, Dr. Webbink and her associates have offered individually tailored Anger Management Programs for individuals, couples and groups, including court-mandated clients.
Dr. Webbink currently offers free Zoom workshops that introduce participants to techniques and approaches for controlling anger, achieving inner peace, and constructively channeling the potential energy of anger to create needed change. Feel free to call for more information.
You can visit this website directly at: www.Manage-Anger.net